First of all, I would like to wish all of you a merry Christmas and definitely hope you had a great one.
Secondly, I would like to share something with you, which sometimes is hard to express and might sound stupid, so bear with me if I seem a bit out of sync:
Be Fortunate For What You Have
Christmas for the past few years have become harder and harder for me to celebrate. As a matter of fact, every year, the holidays become more and more depressing for me. Most people would say that my battle with depression began when my grandfather Albert Lewiski died the day before Thanksgiving six years ago. I might concur that that may be true, but that isn’t all. While I was living in Missouri, I found out in September 2007 that my uncle, Gregory Lewiski, was found dead at his home after what was considered to be a slip-and-fall incident which resulted in breaking his neck. Of course, that isn’t easy to handle.
That wasn’t the only thing: in 2007 and 2008, I wasn’t able to be with my family for the holidays. In 2007, I had no transportation as my car had broken down, so if it wasn’t for a family I had gone to church with, I would have spent the holidays alone – something NO ONE deserves to suffer through. In 2008, I tried to reconcile with my biological father by spending Thanksgiving and Christmas with him, which only proved pointless and how much of a crooked liar and thief he is.
In January 2009, I returned back to my hometown (not to mention leaving many personal belongings in Canton, Missouri) and celebrated a late Christmas. I thought things would be fine, but it was far from the truth. My uncle Robert Lewiski was notified in October that he has pancreatic cancer and was told he didn’t have long to live – three months maximum. He showed signs of improvement at Thanksgiving, but progressively got worse until he passed one year ago, four days before Christmas. I thought it couldn’t get any worse, but I was wrong. My stepfather of 15 years (the only man who deserved to be my dad), Robert Carlock, succumbed to cancer and passed in July of this year.
I guess what I’m trying to say is I’ve lost a lot in the past six years – the closest family members in my lives. People I never bring back or get back. They’re gone. I work 95% of the time to try to avoid getting stressed and avoid getting depressed, but it always seems to follow me. I try not to think about it, but eventually I do. What’s even worse is in the midst of everything, I’m disowned by my own stepsiblings and one of them is in the middle of a legal battle with my mother over some stupid union pension that my stepdad worked so hard for 40+ years doing road construction for the International Union of Operating Engineers Local 965.
Yes, I work almost all of the time – I have five business ventures, including WWPM MediaNet – so I pretty much am booked quite a bit. But I’ve come to this realization on what some people have stated regarding some remarks I sent to local newspapers last month: some people think I’m a cold, heartless bastard who has no right to do something he’s passionate about: broadcast journalism. Those people don’t think I should have anything beyond flipping burgers. Those people want to limit my capabilities. Those people are the reason why I’m a social outcast.
I might not have a crapload of friends or have the popularity of a WWE Superstar or some Hollywood nutjob, but I very damn well am fortunate for what little I have, even the things I don’t realize I have.
Now, I don’t want to sound desperate, but I really want to keep this dream alive that is WWPM MediaNet. I know you’re finishing up cleaning up after the Christmas feast, but could you at least check out our station website at http://www.wwpmmedianet.info and if you like what you hear, have the heart to donate a couple of dollars to keep the station on the air? We have interested hosts wanting to join our broadcast schedule in 2011 and I don’t want to end up off the air because we can’t make our next payment of $59 for SAM Broadcaster. (This is our third payment of five – the final payment will give the station a full license.) Will you help?